We interrupt Words in a China Shop’s regular scheduled posting to bring you the following.
Words in a China Shop is offering for your protesting pleasure a tour bus to Baltimore! Whether you’re angry about injustice, or just want to light some fires and loot (and maybe beat a few innocent bystanders for fun) THIS is the trip for you!
The itinerary is as follows:
Day 1) We’ll be looting all our favorite stores. It’s important to loot first before all the good stuff is already taken or burned. If there’s a specific store you’d like to loot let us know! Nothing says “I’m protesting injustice” like getting a free flat screen TV!
Day 2) We’ll be burning down businesses. Why? Because we’re protesting police brutality and businesses must have SOMETHING to do with that. You’ve heard of the Illuminati, right? Besides, it’s still chilly in Baltimore and fire is nice and warm. We’re not just protesting, we’re bringing COMFORT.
Day 3) We’ll be beating innocent bystanders. It’s not a protest if there’s not arbitrary beatings of innocents! Make sure to wear your steel-toed boots for the kicking of people when they’re down! If you don’t have steel-toed boots we offer them at a very reasonable price.
There’s no need to worry about eating costs since we’ll be looting all our favorite restaurants! What other tour gives you THAT kind of deal!
Finally, don’t forget to bring empty suitcases with you for your loot bounty! Loot that does not fit in your part of the tour buses storage can be placed (for a nominal fee) in a U-Haul trailer we’re bringing along. So don’t be afraid to loot that 65 inch TV!
Disclaimer: We are not responsible for anyone caught by the police looting, burning, or beating. We can however, fix you up with a good lawyer. And for a nominal fee we can have none other than Al Sharpton make a brief statement on your behalf!
Seats are limited! Reserve yours now!
Words in a China Shop 