This Just In: The State of Colorado (Motto: “We can’t be blamed for anything we do since we legalized marijuana. Dude, we’re soooo stoned.”) has just ordered that in order to be sensitive to men who identify as a woman all women’s restrooms must have urinals installed . A bill is also in the Colorado House that will require all restrooms to install trees for men who identify as Labrador Retrievers.
“Susie”, who we met coming out of the womens restroom at a “Monster Truck Rally”, and formerly (5 minutes ago, according to Susie) known as “Billy-Joe” told us “I don’t always identify as a woman, but DAMN the line for the mens room is long! And I got me some eight cups of Budweiser itchin’ to come back out! This new law about installing urinals in the womens bathroom is really gonna help things along because the other gals seem to get upset when I whip out ol’ “lil susie” and pee in the sink”.
When we pointed out that “Susie” was wearing mens clothes and had enough facial hair to make several floor mops Susie said “I just feel feminine on the inside. Especially when I need to pee really bad”.
“Holly” a nurse formerly known as “Roger” told us that a local health club almost revoked his, or her, membership when Holly first switched from using the mens shower to the womens shower. “I was very upset and thought it very judgmental of them to treat me that way” said Holly, “They need to understand that women can have raging erections too. I don’t know why the other women in the shower room were upset. I shouldn’t have to explain to them and management that I identify as a woman who is attracted to other women. It just aint right”.
“Connie” a transgender woman who performs at conventions and corporate functions because of her uncanny resemblance to Danny DeVito told us “You know, after a long 30 minutes of imitating Danny DeVito I’m tired and need to rest, and I hear the womens restrooms have couches. And they also don’t smell like pee. I NEED a nice couch to take a nap on before my next show. So WHAT if I’m a man that looks like Danny DeVito? I identify as a woman and need my damn nap!”.
“Georgette”, formally known as “George” and is a junior high school gym teacher, tells us that “Before I admitted that I identified as a woman, they wanted to send me to jail and put me on the sex-offender registry just for going into the little girls locker rooms and watching them change. I was just looking out for their well-being. I mean, those locker rooms can be slippery and some little girl could fall! So to protect them from falling I hold on to their little derrieres. It’s a safety issue. And to make the little girls even more comfortable I only enter the locker room in my Victoria Secrets thong. I think it will take a while for the little girls to get used to it, or at least stop screaming and running out”.
When asked for comment about the new laws requiring establishments to allow men who identify as women to use the womens restroom, “Veronica”, formerly known as “Fred” said he, or she, was very very disturbed and angry by an experience he/she had at a local business establishment. “It’s not fair!” Veronica/Fred said, “Instead of labeling the restrooms ‘Men’ and ‘Women’ they labeled them ‘Penis’ and ‘Vagina’!”
Words in a China Shop 